American Mental Health Care at it's Finest

Because ADHD, a few weeks ago I finally made a phone call to see about getting scheduled for an ADHD evaluation.  We have a medical employee assistance hotline and I figured they would be the best place to start.  I have been procrastinating on making that call mostly out of nerves and getting distracted by work and texting boys and scrolling facebook for an hour every time I pick up my phone to make a call.

Lady at Employee Assistance Hotline:  "We don't do that, we do short term counseling, but I can transfer you to a psychiatrist's office."

Psychiatrist Office:  "Is this for you or a child?  We only do people under 21 but I can transfer you to Char who can schedule appointments for adults."

Char:  "Hi this is my voicemail at 4pm on a Friday, leave me a voicemail."

Char calls back on a Tuesday or Wednesday.  "Well I can schedule you here in town but I'm just going to let you know that we are booking into January of 2022 and it will be three appointments.  Or I can transfer you to Madison.  They are booked about eight weeks out."

Madison:  "We need a referral from a physician or therapist before we can even start to schedule you."

Me, two weeks later, calling the last shrink I saw and discussed ADHD with, who told me that meditation is better than medication but I can't create routines because ADHD, who never answers her phone, so I leave her a voicemail:  "Hi this is Cindy, I was wondering if you would possibly be willing to write me a referral for ADHD testing?  If this is something you are willing to do, please call me back."

No call back.

Me, two more weeks later, calling Gigi, my former therapist from before I moved.  "Oh hi Cindy, it's so good to hear from you and hear you're doing well.  What do you need?  I can't write you a referral, I don't even have an open file on you.  Karen should be able to do that.  Why do you need a referral?  Can't you self-refer?  That's kind of outdated."

I already broke up with Karen, my prior primary care nurse practitioner from my old town because I live and work here now and it's just not practical.  The place I'm trying to get referred to is in a different network and after I read her notes I feel like she is fatphobic and dismissive so I really don't want to get roped back in with her.

So I finally made an appointment at my new job's clinic for a Well Woman Exam so I can meet the nurse on-site, discuss these things, establish a repour with her and see if she'll refer me.  Don't know how I feel about being naked while my co-workers are potentially in the next room, but this is how we save copay money.

This is a lot of steps for an ADHD person to follow through on.  It's almost as if getting to the diagnostic stage proves you don't have it?  My impatience and wanting it to be done *now* is another symptom.  Even once scheduled I think I have to go on some evidence gathering missions to bring proof.  I did not find my high school report cards, I have a transcript somewhere but I need the ones with the comments that say "late assignments" & "has potential".  

I love the dismissive nature of friends and family.  The other day my dad was over and asking for a tape measure.  I have at least three but couldn't find any of them because they weren't where they were supposed to be.  "You probably got that from me," he said and I quipped, "yes, thank you for the ADD" and he was like "the what??" but I dropped it which was easy because he was too busy being impatient.

But Cindy... everybody has trouble concentrating.  Everybody is in debt, everybody is incapable of developing routines, everybody is messy and everybody loses things and leaves their car windows open with the keys in the ignition for 48 hours.  Everybody has a running dialogue in their brain that is constantly reminding them that they did their entire life wrong and that it's too late and has to listen to podcasts just to drown it out because listening to music is just a fucking time machine and/or they will just end up giving their neighbors a two hour long karaoke concert of Sarah McLachlan's Possession on repeat.  Everybody is like that, don't beat yourself up. And stop telling everybody about it, you are making us look bad.