travel blog day 3, kinda sorta but after the fact

Saturday morning was magical in every way and I spent the whole day driving home marveling in gratitude that we get to live in such an amazing state with all its different landscapes and how even the land here is magical. 

I spent the last 2 hours of the drive slapping myself in the face and singing along at the top of my lungs to my Carpool Karaoke playlist. I just wanted to get home and snuggle my cats and even my boyfriend. 

And as I finally got into town and was waiting on some fried chicken to surprise my faux family and I finally went back onto facebook that gratitude faded quickly. This town is magical in a black magic way, an energy vortex of weirdos and assholes. I turn back into an asshole. Cursed land? A Google search leads to a reddit post wherein someone references another reddit post that alluded to such :

Then I seemed to forget who my boyfriend is, I had some idealized version in my head of someone who would be excited to see me and hear of my tales of enlightenment. He was just stoned and stupid and instantly annoyed me. I'm just supposed to be grateful that he's not drunk?

It's been much easier to put that all on the back burner, just let it play out. I couldn't handle the stress of it all so I kust decided to be a dude and consider it a friends with benefits casual relationship that I am not trying to force in either direction. 

i didn't notice the braille when I was there. The labyrinth was amazing, but I realize now that my best photos were on my camera. 

My father mentioned that his father was at the ccc camp near there and I begrudgingly went. Spotify ghosts were dj'ing and Sweet Child O Mine was playing as I found the addressless ruins along the road. There was another group of people there, we did not murder each other. Probably cousins of mine.

I brought back some pinecones so my father could grow trees from the trees his father planted (theoretically).

They turned boys to men and had cigarettes for dessert on Thanksgiving.  This grandfather died of lung cancer 2 years before I was born. 

I saw some bald eagles feasting on a roadkill deer, a swan vs geese turf war, and in general was a bird centric voyage. The only living wildlife I saw. Maybe because I've been feeling trapped, I'm the caged bird envious of those who can fly.

Speaking of flying, got lost around Camp Douglas, if that is a UFO hot-spot I would not he surprised.

My key takeaway is that the older I get, the harder it is for me to live inauthentically. I am only ever at peace  when I am creating. I don't have my escape plan ready yet but I don't want to wait another 25 years before I can retire.